She hath risen!! It’s been sooo long, I know. I’ll be honest, I did fall out of writing for quite some time there. However that is not the only reason I’ve been gone for so long. Shall I begin the update?
I’m going to assume you said “yes” or something along that line. Yes I haven’t been into writing much lately. Even though it is my favorite outlet for stress. At first, it was because I was working, then it was because I had too much anxiety. After that it was because I quite honestly could not afford my blog, so my anxiety said “why bother keep writing the blog? No one cares anyway”. I couldn’t afford it because I was and still am unemployed. So lets hope I can keep this blog going for at least a few months before I can’t afford it again. I didn’t even feel like writing my book or stories. I was filled with so much depression and anxiety, it was unreal. Oh don’t forget how the agoraphobia was getting worse by the week.
Did I mention I was inpatient at the hospital again throughout some of this time? Yeah. It was an alright experience, mainly because I made some friends there. I actually still talk to one of them regularly. Though I was still having problems. Another thing that was getting worse was my fear of driving. I used to love driving, and now it still scares me. When I would drive, my anxiety spiked and it felt like my car was going to tip over. Which of course scared me to death. Also since the last time we’ve chatted I’ve made and lost a friend. He didn’t die, but he might as well have. We were pretty close at the end, but I couldn’t take the drama anymore. So I had to let him go. It hurt, and still does sometimes. The good thing is is that I still have my bff around. No matter how long it takes for him to contact me back, he’s still there for me. Though sometimes I do get overwhelmingly lonely, no matter what. As long as I have some people on my side.
Let’s move up the timeline a bit.
I have been working on and tweaking my routine so friggin’ much, it's unreal. But having a routine does help. It took a while to get down to where I am now, but it’s so worth it. First of all, my medication is almost perfect. I went to a neurologist for my tremors and the doctor gave me a medication for it. Doesn’t help the tremors a lot but it does seem to help my mental health, which is amazing! The only thing I’m working on right now is a sleep aid. On top of that, I recently have gotten a new psychiatrist. The last one was not very reliable. There was always something wrong with my medications when I went to get them. Either there was a wrong one or two, or they didn’t have them all when they should have.
There are a couple things in my new routine that may surprise you. Like daily prayers(when I remember) and exercising. The first thing I do when I get up is do a meditation. I just find one on my app and sit up in bed. I try to do prayers every morning and evening. Though sometimes I do forget.
My biggest thing lately is exercising and trying to lose weight. My last sleeping aid made me gain more and more weight. So much to the point to where it was getting just as hard to breath as it did when I used to smoke. I have been watching a bit of what I eat and exercising regularly. I do a morning exercise, a daily walk, and an evening exercise everyday. Though I do take break days from the walks and evening exercises once in a while. On top of that, I’ve cut back on caffeine and drink tons of water. I also started intermittent fasting. I fast from 4pm to 8am. I’m still keeping an eye out to see if I like this lifestyle change. It’s only okay so far. But hey either way, I’ve lost about six pounds this month.
All these changes, the medications, the routine, the exercising, etc., they really seem to be helping. Even though I, of course, still am anxious and depressed. Things have been better. Though I’m keeping an eye open to make sure this positivity continues. Wish me luck on that.
So long story short, that’s been what I have been up to this whole time. A whole lot of bad that is finally turning into some good. I promise I’ll write more for the blog here soon.
Until next time…