This is going to be another “off-topic” post. Today I want to talk about another thing that is important to me. Asexuality. I’ve known about being asexual(or ace) for years now! Let me try and explain what this is in definition, and what it is to me. So here we go, right into it!
An asexual person does not experience sexual attraction. They are not drawn to people sexually and do not desire to act upon attraction to others in a sexual way. This is often confused with celibacy, which means to abstain from sexual activity. Asexuality is instinctual, just like any other orientation. There are several different ways asexuals look toward sex. This list I got from the AVEN website. A website dedicated to teaching people about asexuality.
Sex-Favorable: a positive willingness to compromise with a sexual partner, openness to finding ways to enjoy sexual activity in a physical or emotional way, happy to give sexual pleasure rather than receive
Sex-Indifferent: might be willing to compromise on a few things on an occasional basis, doesn’t enjoy sex much in a physical or emotional way but doesn’t feel distressed thinking about it, might be willing to give pleasure but doesn’t find it intimate
Sex-Averse/Sex-Repulsed: has a distressed or visceral reaction to the thought of having sex, not willing to compromise (note that the term used may depend on the subjective degree of the reaction)
Sexual attraction VS Romantic attraction
-Sexual attraction definition: when you are attracted to someone sexually, and want them only to sexually please you or something of the sort.
-Romantic attraction definition: an emotional response, which most people experience at one point or another, that results in a desire for a romantic relationship with the recipient.
Many people falsely assume that asexuality is the same thing as celibacy or abstinence. This is not true!! Let me explain. Abstinence is about deciding not to have sex. This usually is temporary. For example, someone may decide to abstain from sex until they get married. Celibacy is about deciding to abstain from sex, and possibly marriage. Abstinence and celibacy are choices, asexuality isn’t! Asexual people might not actually abstain from sex at all.
Asexuality is a spectrum!!! You may even feel mostly asexual, but not completely. You may feel slightly sexual on an infrequent basis, but not enough to fit in with other people you know. This is called the *gray area”, or “gray asexual”. There is also demisexuality. Demisexuality is feeling no sexual attraction towards other people unless a strong emotional bond has been established. The point is, there are several levels to asexuality.
Some asexuals may feel romantically towards people, or wish to find a romantic relationship. This leads people to split romantic desire and sexual desire. Some romantic attractions go as follows.
-Heteroromantic: romantically attracted to/desires romantic relationships with the opposite gender
-Homoromantic: romantically attracted to/desires romantic relationships with the same gender
-Biromantic: romantically attracted to/desires romantic relationships with multiple genders
-Panromantic: romantically attracted to/desires romantic relationships without gender being a factor
-Aromantic: not romantically attracted to or desiring of romantic relationships at all
In the initialism LGBTQIAP+, the A stands for asexual spectrum, or a-spec.
How did I find out I am asexual? Honestly it was pretty simple for me. I knew I had no sexual attraction toward people. Personally I just thought it was another weird thing about me. I mean, other people weren’t like this, right? Wrong!! My memory isn’t very clear as how I found the word asexual, I think I actually found it on Facebook. If I’m lying, I’m dying. As soon as I saw this word and its definition, I knew it was all me. There really are others like me? Wow, what a revelation!
Just like being gay or bisexual, one can asexual. This means a person who is not sexually attracted to any other. Even in this hyper sexual society, we are all around the world. There may still be romantic attraction, in different forms. However, that is not always a given.
Like other spectrums, there is a wide range in the asexual world. From people who experience no sexual or romantic attraction to people who engage in sexual contact under some conditions.
Asexuality is not the same as abstinence or celibacy. Abstinence and celibacy are choices, asexuality is not.